she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
