yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
