Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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