1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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