Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
