This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
