I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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