That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Houston, we have a blender
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
