You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize