Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
