so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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