my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This baby is an asshole
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
