I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
