i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
