i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
