it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
