So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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