I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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