i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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