You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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