were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
