oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
