I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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