u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
