I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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