I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
