Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize