She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
