So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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