Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize