I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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