good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
