so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
