Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
