Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
