I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
