This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
