I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
