We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
