Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
