You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
