nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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