Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
