I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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