they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
