I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
