I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
