I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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