Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
