Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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