Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize