Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
