Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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