his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
