LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
