Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize