He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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