john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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