Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
