I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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