i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
