i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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