omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
