forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
