So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
