I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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