Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
