I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
