dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
