I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
