why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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