im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
