shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
