i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
they need to just BURY HIM!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
