Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
